GRIZZLY PEAR

written snapshots

Category: Artifacts

  • Merry Christmas!

    Woke up early.

    Checked my phone. Post a comment on a blog.

    Realize it’s Christmas!

    Wrote a tiny poem.
     

    I don’t
    believe
    in Baby
    Jesus
    no more
    so I
    Christmas
    all the
    Harder

    I grew up conservative Christian. And Asian-American. My parents left Hong Kong and Taiwan and met here in the States. With the clarity of immigrants, they sensed that Christmas was a frivolous, secular holiday.

    When my sister and I were teens, they gave in. We started exchanging small gifts. My mom added small decorations around to the house but never bothered with a tree.

    We still drove down to LA from the Bay Area on Christmas because traffic was lighter. We’d eat at my grandparent’s favorite dim sum place in Monterey Park. (My aunt suspected that they liked that spot because the tea was brewed extra strong.)

    We didn’t buck the holiday, but we never gave it religious significance. For a real Christian, every day is Christmas and Easter. Picking out holy-days still feels kind of pagan.

    I drifted away when I grew up. It didn’t do much for me emotionally, and I finally bailed when George W. Bush co-opted the religious establishment to support his optional war. Even so, I always planned on taking my kids to church on Christmas, so they could feel the religious origins of this season.

    That notion died with the election of the Trump. My wife (never religious) was so disgusted with white evangelicals that she didn’t want our kids anywhere near such cruel hypocrites nor be tempted by the pomp and circumstance of their celebration.

    Instead, every year I put up a plastic tree from Ikea on Thanksgiving, buy a few toys, wrap the last six months of library book sale finds in old architectural printouts, watch a Christmas movie, and clean everything up on New Year’s Day.

    Last year ago, I told my daughter the myth of Jesus. It blew her mind. I might as well have grown a third head (or narrated the nsfw story of Lot and his daughters).

    An all-powerful deity came down to this filthy planet to be born in horse shit, grow up as a carpenter, start a small cult as a wandering sage, only to be executed in excruciating fashion. All to pay the blood penalty for the evil committed by his own shithead creatures.

    So here I am, suddenly marveling at the magic of Christmas. Say what you will about the religion, that’s an awesome story.

  • go

    The Sunday after Thanksgiving, we went to the park to so they could ride their bikes. He proudly said knew how to ride a bike. I said, not really — I had taken the training wheels off his bike. He was unhappy about the change but made a go at it. Not perfect and couldn’t keep it up for a sustained period…but he did it!

    In the month since, his skill has jumped with each trip to the park. He needs to learn how to brake, but it’s remarkable how quickly they pick things up!

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    I finished grad school in time to get slammed by the Great Recession. I avoided being laid off but dropped to 30 hours a week. I spent some of those extra 10 hours as regular at Cafe Brasil.

    When things picked up, I still showed up on Friday mornings to sip an espresso before heading out to the office. I’d ponder the week that was almost complete and consider the coming weekend.

    Normally these sessions wouldn’t result in any insight. I’d often just chat with another regular. But occasionally something would pop up. Once in a blue moon the “brilliant” idea might surprisingly turn out to actionable.

    Unfortunately, adulting means outgrowing a loving parent who can disappear training wheels at the right moment. A distant second best may be regular semi-contemplative practice to reset the mind.

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  • family

    A few nights ago, kids brought Mommy Bear, Daddy Bear, and Adventure for my bedtime. They also gave me an old sweater to dress Daddy Bear. I put it on him this morning, brought in Bear Bear and took a family portrait.

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    This post is an example of why I am such a huge proponent of sharing your work online, again and again over time.

    Can you see it? (Clue: I’ll keep original formatting on the previous alphabet.)

    As I was setting this post up for this next round of images, I accidentally hit a comma instead of a period.

    Of course! I always wanted an non-intrusive spacer, and what’s smaller than a period? But a period is a touch too insubstantial and carries weight as an ending. A comma is a tad bigger and actually means “pause”.

    It took me six posts to figure this out….or sixty-one posts including my OPM letters, which used a ~ tilde. I could have never thought this up in the abstract.

    A digital space of your own gives you the space to grow. It lets you experiment one step at a time. Just start! With something imperfect! Now!

    And one day, the gods may grant you a flash of insight, possibly the perfect typo at the right time. But you gotta show up, again and again.

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  • Edge

    She balanced the spoon on the edge of her bowl and had me record it for posterity. In the meanwhile he snuck away from the table, most likely to google Pokémon while she read her ebook.

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    In the theme of “E”, shout out to Everyday Magic thread on Notes. Every Saturday Charlene Story starts a thread for people to share their beautiful mundane worlds. Here’s the one from last week.

    Every few weeks, I collect my recent contributions for this blog series. While there, I wander through all the entries. It’s a great mental reset to walk the world through others’ eyes (and be jealous of everyone else’s luscious green landscapes!)

    Starting a thread once a week might not seem like a big effort. But having blogged on a schedule, I know how hard it is to act consistently without fail over months, which is why I don’t blog on a schedule now!

    So thanks again Charlene, for being our wonderful Everyday Magic host!

  • delight

    Ever since the got a Pikachu stuffie from the claw machine at the Primm Mural Gallery (formerly an outlet mall), they’ve been into Pokemon. He wanted a Pikachu and she drew an Eevee with a witches hat. Their lights from the jack-o-lanterns left a bold mark on the ceiling.

    The unseasonably warm autumn meant that these poor pumpkins went mold in a couple of days. But still, it was a day of carving and a few good photos.

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    That Pikachu might have been the most impactful dollar that we’ve spent (for good or ill). It’s turned into a costume, a change in TV habits. Pokemon Go has me walking in circles around the house to hatch eggs and the kids just forced me to try out the Pokemon Sleep tracking app. They’re constantly drawing different Pokemon when they aren’t playing. He’ll walk up and start talking about random creatures and evolutions, without no explanation or context (of course!)

    I recently heard on the Cortex podcast that Pokemon may be the most successful IP of all time. It’s hard to argue from this household. Lord help us if we get into the TCG card game, or if we ever get a Nintendo.

  • compass

    I used up the last of the Waterman blue my dad gave me years ago. My guess is that this ink is half a century old. The boy helped me fill the cartridge so there’s three generations in this pen.

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    In my recent search for pens, I’ve tried up a bunch of cheap pens. It’s fun to explore each assemblage of plastic and steel.

    As I mentioned a few weeks ago, if I could only pick two it would be the Pilot Kakuno and Pilot Parallel. The Kakuno with an extra fine nib is a tight writing instrument, and the Parallel is a unique tool that is creates an expressive line and suited for calligraphy.

    If I could to create a second pairing, the Sailor Fude Nib Pen is a similarly wide pen that goes great with the Sailor Compass. At $30, its twice as expensive as the other pens, but the build quality is noticeably better than cheaper pens.

    After graduating college, I treated myself to a Pelikan M600 which now sells for about half a grand. Even accounting for the piston mechanism (that has survived two decades of neglect) and the butter smooth gold nib, I don’t see how the M600 is $470 better than the Compass.

    As with many things in this world, the first few bucks makes a huge difference in quality. After that, the extra dollars only temporarily mollifies the ravenous criticism of a connoisseur.

  • blizzard

    We went to hallOVeen at the Magical Forest, a little amusement park that the non-profit Opportunity Village opens up for fundraising during the Halloween and Christmas holidays.

    The kids enjoyed the Blizzard. Mama and I only lasted once each. So we let them sit together for another spin around and around and around and around and around…

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    The kids are growing up fast. Only yesterday, they needed us to play with them. Now they keep each other amused (when they aren’t arguing!). And she’s got books. The whole world on her Kobo with a Libby account. She’s read through the Harry Potter series at least twice and was Hermione this Halloween (he was Pikachu).

    Right now they’re watching Harry Potter #2 downstairs. I can’t do it. I don’t have anything against the series. I was just old enough to miss the excitement over the series as it came out. We watched the first movie and it did nothing for me. And the thought of spending 283 minutes on the second film pains my soul.

    I’ve never been good at entertainment if I wasn’t in the mood for it. I wish I could be a little less judgemental when watching TV, but instead I’m up here writing notes about my finicky media habits.

  • atelier

    The kids helped Pikachu make a little candy shack, turned off the lights, and lit the room with a red plastic cup over a flashlight.

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    As the first letter of the alphabet I have a lot of A’s. There won’t be as many for future letters, and even less when I hit the numbers. But hey, let’s start with a bAng!

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    One of the best firm names I’ve come across is “Atelier One”, a British structural engineering company. Why? Cause I still remember it nineteen years after I saw them give a lecture at Rice. Can I remember anything they did? Nope. But what a sticky name to stay in my consciousness after all these years.

  • Alphabet Magic (2022-2023)

    Last week, I uploaded the letter “Z” of Alphabet Magic, pairing photos of everyday life with sketches of my hand forming the ASL manual alphabet.

    Just another post, but I couldn’t let it pass without comment.

    I took more art studios than architecture studios in college, but stopped drawing over the past two decades; constipated with perfection. After turning forty, I eliminated drawing from of my list of future projects (along with reading Chinese and the Guan Dao kung fu form).

    Then Post came online last year. I wanted to help make the place that I wanted to see, so this alphabet series was my contribution. The winter of 2022-2023 was a magical season when quirky artists came together for a mass experiment. (Much as Substack has become a beautiful writer’s oasis).

    When it became clear Post management was focused on news and opinion, I hopped over to Substack and turned the drawings into a formal series, pairing it with my contributions to Charlene Storey’s weekly thread of “everyday magic”.

    Twenty-six weeks later I’ve posted half a year of hands and magic.

    So what next? Well I have plenty more hands. After joining Substack, Wendy MacNaughton hosted a 30 day sketching challenge around the same time Ashlyn Ashantee got me really into fountain pens. So I kept drawing with hatching and new wacky nibs.

    Next week, I’ll start the second series, with a bit more variety, still with a pop of everyday magic, but with less alliterative titles. Maybe I’ll throw in the occasional calligraphy experiment and zine (inspired by a conversation with d.w. and John Ward on Notes).

    In home, school, or work, I’ve learned that projects start with promise, grind through midlife, and shutter with little fanfare. But I’ve also learned that the anticipation of triumph will eventually realized in retrospect long after the moment has faded.

    As I mature, I’m slowly embracing the process. It’s a privilege to draw. It’s a privilege to do anything beyond the bare necessities. It’s a privilege to share — thanks for reading!

    The results are up to the fickle gods, but we can always exhilarate in the chase.

  • Zydeco zebras zestfully zapped a zillion zig-zag zucchinis at zealous zombie zoologists.

    An outline handsketch of a hand shaping the ASL American manual letter “Z”, in red ink on a yellow spiral bound steno notebook.

    The boy made a potion with sugar (flowers) and salt (sand) to put out a fire (thorny weeds) in the backyard. His hands were stained with red ink from doodling with my flexy fountain pen.