In winter, we played in the snow as the sun set over the girl’s last afternoon as a 9 year old. With the rains of that week, our usual spot at Mount Charleston (in the valley below the visitor center) was in fresh deep fluff.
Coincidentally, this week, I’ve been listening to the Fred Frith soundtrack to Rivers and Tides which includes a few scenes of Andy Goldsworthy working in the winter cold. My memory of the sounds from that afternoon have blended with the sounds of that lovely film.
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After four and a half years, COVID finally found us.
I got the symptoms first so I rushed off to my in-law’s empty rental house. Too late, the family all came down soon after.
But inertia took over and I stayed there for a couple of weeks as we recuperated separately.
One can get a lot done without family responsibilities. I cleaned up the place thoroughly, finally finished T-Zero (fine book, but still a sequel) and The Conference of the Birds (a glorious Sufi poem that I can barely comprehend), created AutoCAD templates for my calligraphy practice, and ate a lot of TV dinners.
Without kids, the place stayed remarkably clean. Entropy moves slower in the absence of little people. But still, nice to be home again, mess and all.
We settled into our new home six months ago and reality intruded on the even the earliest moments everyday magic.
Here is the boy is looking down as I tidied the garage. A minute later, a yellow pencil poked a hole in the screen.
And while making our first batch of pancakes, he threw a tantrum after I mixed the batter, after telling me to go ahead and mix without him. Then I got into a tiff with Mama because I burnt the first few pancakes while learning the new stove. (Couples cooking has never been our strong suit.)
The gods have been gracious, but they always spice things up to keep us in our place.
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I was given a tour of landside operations at the airport. Since they manage parking and traffic, they have a large team. I asked one of their managers how someones stands out when a promotion is open.
First, he noted that not everyone is ambitious. He started with an entry level job 25 years ago and some of his colleagues are still in that exact same position.
Beyond that, he advises every new employee these three simple guides.
Be here when you’re supposed to show up.
Do what you’re supposed to do.
Don’t do what you aren’t supposed to do.
After that, he said it’s a matter of politics and luck. These factors are out of our hands. For example, he almost got a job with another county agency in 2007. It didn’t work out, but that team experienced massive layoffs during the great recession while the airport avoided layoffs altogether.
This kitchen table continues to serve us over twenty years through six abodes.
This afternoon, we thoroughly cleaned up lunch (cod, broccoli, and rice).
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It’s been four months since I posted the letter “Q”.
These hand sketches were photographed last year, so it’s just a matter of tidying the images and writing a little journal entry to mark the passage of time.
I started the year hoping to catch up on the backlog—let things go, either out to the wild or into the private archives.
Hopefully I now have the mental space to do this work.1
Of course, there is a fresh set of sketches to scan. And tiny poems . And those zines that I slammed together twenty months ago.
One step at a time.
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To repeat myself: if you’re unsure about staying at your current job, it’s time to leave.↩︎
In early May, this daily practice sprung up at a delicate moment. I so busy at work that I had no mental space to practice anything creative, especially with a looming job switch.
But I made time to post a simple photo every day.
This practice kept me afloat amidst the during a season of change. It’s now time to sunset this three month project to make time for other pursuits. Thanks to everyone who supported this little creative life raft on Substack Notes. Your likes and comments helped me persevere, turning a stray notion into a project of seeing (and framing) the mundane.
Unfortunately, life is complicated. So I’ve changed it to 2(P+P)—two practices and projects (a creative and practical endeavour for each).
For my Projects, I’m returning to my 2024 theme of “Settling up”. For creative, it’s time to tackle the Grizzlypear backlog (200+ drafts!). And for home, we need to fully settle into our “new” house (six months after moving in!).
As for Practices, I need to start exercising and I’d like to work on my calligraphy. I’ve hit that inevitable point in this new hobby where it’s time to grind down to reach the next plateau. Maybe I’ll eventually give up, but I want to put in a solid effort before deciding that the next level of proficiency isn’t worth the time.
Hopefully this dual track approach provides a better balance of fun and responsibility. We’ll see!
Notes from our Disneyland + Big Bear run (trying to escape the Las Vegas heat before school starts).
0) The day before we left, we battled a pantry bug infestation. After decades of bulk purchases it was finally our turn. Better that they showed up before we left, but it made for a hectic run up to the vacation. From now on, everything bulk goes into the freezer for a week. And no more stocking up.
1) Our boy is not good with mountains nor traffic and certainly not both—he’s thrown up a couple of times on the Cajon Pass between Victorville and San Bernardino. If your kiddo has a similar issue, Coyote Canyon Park is a lifesaver. It sits right after the pass with restrooms and a shaded playground. As a city park, the restrooms might be closed after dark, but they were open both times we’ve visited. Our future Vegas to SoCal runs will plan on hitting the Clyde V. Kane Rest Stop and then this park as we glide into the megacity.
2) The kids felt they liked Legoland almost as much as Disney. If so, there’s more stuff to do a short drive away, the weather more pleasant, Legoland a bit cheaper, and the park is well suited for younger kids. San Diego FTW. That said, this is Disneyland!
3) We refused to pay the extra $35 per head per day for Lightning Passes but still got plenty of rides by skipping the popular roller coasters (Matterhorn, Space Mountain, Star Wars, Cars). That said, keep an eye out for the virtual queue program. It was being used to control crowds at the Haunted Mansion Ride (and I suspect offered as a free taste for their Lightning Pass system).
4) We stayed at the Anaheim Islander Inn and Suites (which we used for our last visit five years ago). A totally no frills motel with bananas and costco danishes for “breakfast”. The place was clean, walking distance to the park, and the price was right.
5) The design manager at my office with a bit more Disneyland experience recommends the Candy Cane Inn. It’s a little pricier but looks a lot nicer (it was on our route to the park). We would have considered this place if we were visiting with our parents since they have a shuttle to the park.
6) Bring a stroller. This is the last time our boy can ride it and it was nice to throw wheels under him for the half mile march home. Even so, we’ll bring it next time since it was a great provisions cart to supply these day long marathons.
7) The three weekday tickets were the best deal we could find. Ideally, we’d live in Southern California and visit once a month for a season, but that’s not an option for Nevadans. Three days in a row was plenty; we were getting frayed by the last day. Even our girl acknowledged that she would have had her fill after four days (two at each park).
8) I strongly prefer Disneyland over California Adventure. Disneyland feels more authentic in its simulacrum, partly because much of it was built before disability standards. California Adventure is the outdoor mall version of Disneyland—the girl commented that it felt a bit like a casino. But they preferred the thrill rides at California Adventure.
9) We planned on exploring other parts of LA, but it was too friggin hot. Coming from Vegas, I thought we could handle the heat, but outdoor all day under a humid 83 is a lot. So we went up to Big Bear instead. Along the way, we got gas in San Bernardino. It was 105. I have no idea why anyone would live there instead of Vegas.
10) Yes, the boy threw up twice on the way up the mountain.
11) We stayed up there for two full days to decompress from Disney before heading home. We hit up the Big Bear Valley Historical Museum with a few old buildings and plenty of exhibits, well worth the entry fee of $5 per adult. The Big Bear Alpine Zoo was a bit more expensive ($54 for the family) and the animals were hiding from the heat. The San Diego or Los Angeles Zoos would be better deals…but we weren’t in SD nor LA, and LV don’t got no zoos. Both places were good for 90 minutes each if you savor the strolls.
12) I suspect there are plenty of nature things to do as well, but we used up all our walking energy in Anaheim. Our AirBNB had Disney+ so we caught up on Bluey. YouTube noticed and fed us the single Bluey episode that the Mouse refuses to stream on their service. Fortunately the Australian Broadcasting Company has now uploaded Dad Baby for everyone to watch. It’s hilarious. Go check it out.
13) We also watched Finding Nemo, Finding Dory, and Dumbo. They’re all great, but Dumbo was amazing. 5 minutes of story as an excuse to produce 85 minutes of badass animation. If you haven’t watched Dumbo lately, do yourself a favor and check it out after you watch Dad Baby.
14) The ride home was uneventful. Unlike the route up from LA, the road down to Vegas was gentle, on par with a Mount Charleston run. Along the way, we hit up the EddieWorld gas station north of Barstow. It was meh—what you’d expect from any wannabe tourist trap (like the Terrible’s at Jean).
15) We skipped the claw machine at Prizm Mall at Primm this time, but it’s a way better stop with all the massive murals inside and outside of the dead mall. I wonder how long that building will stay open since it only has one shop operating in that place. Five years ago we hit up the old Barstow Outlet Mall (the old one set back from the freeway). At the time it was almost empty but still well maintained with green lawns. That place is now fenced off and totally brown inside.
16) I brought a bunch of books but I didn’t get much reading in. But I did get some good progress on The Conference of the Birds (Darbandi & Davis translation). I dig it. I don’t grok the Sufi obsession with “love” in a Islamic context but I’m only halfway through. At least I’m now in sync with the masnavi meter. Last year, I tried to read Rumi’s Masnavi but I couldn’t get past the rhyming structure. Now I think I can flow with it.
update: 17). I completely forgot to mention the highlight of our Zoo trip. While at the gray wolf exhibit, the three wolves settled up against the glass. They were on a raised platform so our faces were less than an inch away from these majestic beasts. Mama was so moved that she let the kids buy a wolf stuffy at the gift shop even though she’s sick of the proliferation of soft toys in our house. This afternoon my daughter looked the zoo website and found out that these wolves were rescued from the illegal pet trade. They arrived malnourished and with severe mange. Humans are so callously cruel, and yet, this zoo shows that we can also emend our faults.
In 2020, we discovered Hilda on Netflix and devoured the series. Our girl was so charmed, she read all the graphic novels and books, even though the stories had already been retold in the TV show.
Hilda works because the world is constrained and limitless. The geography is tight, but anything can happen. And even if we’re missing a bunch of Scandinavian mythology, there’s a lots to enjoy.
A young spunky protagonist. Strange creatures. The supernatural. Thrills. Lots of trolls. Hilda’s friends.
And my favorite, the woodman. He’s a total ass, but he likes jazz and lives in a stylish modern home from the 70’s. I wish I could be as imperturbable as him.
Suitable for children but interesting for adults. Thrilling but not scary.
Here’s to the next season!
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I wrote this in 2021 and Season 3 came out last year…but we are no longer on Netflix. At some point we’ll resubscribe. Maybe after the kids grow out of their Pokemon obsession.
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Bluey, Seasons 1 to 3, Joe Brumm
The dog family y’all wish you had— playing parents, giggling kids, house atop of the hill, and a verdant lawn.
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This is how you know it’s great — Disney Plus was compelled to license this Australian Broadcasting Company show. Hard recommend.
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Waffles + Mochi, Season 1, Thormahlen and Konner.
We loved it—the girl, the boy, and me— but mama found it a too saccharine.
I normally avoid food shows because it’s an exercise of remote envy. This show certainly brings a lot of envy, but it moved briskly and covered fun topics. And how can you deny a power anthem to the lowly egg?
But was it prudent to feature Mrs. Obama in the show? The Obama fit my type, so I enjoyed her presence. Maybe they would have had a wider reach with a non-political figure. Then again, in this rabidly interconnected age, the mere involvement of the production company might have turned off Republican viewers anyways. Their loss.
I wonder what GOP tinged productions am I missing out on?
That aside, I enjoyed all ten episodes. It might be too saccharine for you, but at least check out their fine with the first episode.
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Another show to add to the Netflix cue, along with Arcane Season 2 and Pui Pui Molcar Season 2.
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Speaking of Arcane, I just realized that I never wrote about Season 1, by Linke and Yee.
It’s a visual treat, but I can’t get excited by teenagers dealing with their issues, even if they are trying to save/ruin the world. I noted in an aside last year “Arcane—a fun show that doesn’t reach the stratosphere of top-line classics.”
Check out this scene. Stylish and visceral. Damn.
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cartoons all deluged pokemon gotta watch them all!
Life has slowed down (in a good way) after changing jobs. For example, I’m posting this collection on July 7th, while I didn’t get around to uploading the previous month’s compilation till June 19th, a week after I started at the new job.
As for this Project, I got one more month before I move on to something else. Follow me on Substack Notes if you want to see these photos in real time. Or just wait for the final compilation in late August after we come back from our not-Vegas vacation.
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Type.
6/1
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Mess.
6/2
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Laundry.
6/3
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Corner.
6/4
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Cafe.
6/5
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Notes.
6/6
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Cubicle.
6/7
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Blankets.
6/8
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Artichokes.
6/9
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Airport.
6/10
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P.
6/11
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Strawberry.
6/12
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Foam.
6/13
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Muse.
6/13
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Legs.
6/14
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Empty.
6/15
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Draw.
6/16
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Conduit.
6/17
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Cinema.
6/18
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Tails.
6/18
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Panel.
6/19
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Solstice.
6/20
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Grain.
6/21
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Laureate.
6/22
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Office.
6/22
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Desktop.
6/24
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Curtain.
6/25
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Goodbye.
6/26
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Liftoff.
6/26
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Keys.
6/29
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Straggler.
6/29
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Bed.
6/30
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Next week will be the first time that I actually work a full forty hours for the airport. In the past four weeks, I’ve had two days of County Orientation, Juneteenth, a day of Airport Orientation, and Independence Day. Three full days of orientation is a bit of overkill, but it was better than 90 minutes of signing forms and learning the rest by asking random coworkers.
One thing that stood out at the Airport orientation was lunch with senior managers. It was a nice show of solidarity that they would come down and join us for a meal and introduce themselves. Then again, maybe I won’t want them to remember my name after I start to ruin their work lives with the Terminal renovation!
Baron in the Trees, only took me forever to read this.
Like many foreign films, the novel is fun and quirky until but the real world intrudes.
Indeed, this impending sense of doom is why it took me months to finish.
But it was edifying. A brilliant display of sparse deep storytelling.
Jerusalem Windows, a killer $2 find at the library.
As with many mid-century monographs, it comes with a hagiography of the great artist. I kind of enjoy it, in a nostalgic way.
The colors are stunning, and it’s awesome to watch the process from sketches to finished window and detail.
But the allegory in the images are hard to grok, even for a kid who grew up as a hardcore Christian. I need to reread this book. Slower.
Genie’s Banquet, a filler with the kids.
A fine example of a sharp little Japanese card game, common in the 2010’s.
As a cooperative game, this it’s a perfect fit at this moment.
There are some translation glitches in the rules, but the joy of boardgaming is that you can make up the rules when you’re unsure. We made it work.
Dorfromantik, for my wife’s fake birthday, but really for the boy.
Charming and idyllic is exactly correct in describing this game. Normally I want a game to have an edge, but it’s the lack such an edge that makes this game. The SDJ is well earned.
This board game successfully imports the ubiquitous constant-unlock dynamic of the mobile gaming. However, I appreciate that this is non-destructive process (unlike the Legacy series). Most importantly, thank god, there’s no pay to win model with this thing.
I wonder if I should toughen the boy up by playing competitive games (winning, losing, manhood, and all that). In the meantime I’ll enjoy these team games with him. Who knows when he will phase out—they change so fast!
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Having finished my calligraphy notebook last week, I started on our girl’s composition book from first grade. Might as well use up all the paper we got. It’s fun to add my practice with her old studies, and this means I’ll finish another notebook sooner rather than later!
(and yes…that should have been “hungry”, but sometimes you just roll with it.)
At work, I push long term ideas into tasks due on July 4th or December 25th. But this time, there’s nothing on that TTD list for Independence day.
It started on January 9th. I went to a BOE meeting in the morning to get my DMV construction contract approved and then received an email to attend an all-hands that afternoon.
Our Administrator was demoted. A couple of weeks late,r our Deputy Administrator was also demoted.
The Division wasn’t perfect under them—the seeds of overwhelm that pushed me out started under their watch. But the place had changed. Even though I like the guys who stepped up in their void, the Director made his mark.
People often think government workers have a ton of protections, but as a “non-classified” employee, I could be fired for any reason. Once it became clear that anyone would be fired at any time for stepping out of line and the workload had gotten out of control. Why stay?
Only for the projects.
That’s when a phone call from a mechanical engineer fell from from the skies. Or the airport (same difference.) I thought about the offer and demurred.
A week later, she called back and directed me to apply before the deadline expired at 5pm. I was in San Diego about to go to the zoo. Fine! Tippy-tap on the iPad, cutting and pasting from LinkedIn onto the county website.
A few weeks later they called for a first interview, a half-hour time slot.
Ok whatevers, let’s get coffee to see what it’s about. She warned that this was my only shot, there wasn’t going to be a second interview.
Oh! The competitive juices kicked in. If I’m going, go hard. I changed the appointment to an in-person meeting and spent the weekend updating the resume and work sample.
I didn’t open that portfolio during the 48 minute conversation but walked out feeling great. Both about my performance and the opportunity.
I’ve been on many interview committees for contractors and architects for the Division. It was humbling to be at the mercy of other people’s decision again. Fortunately, it was a short wait. They decided fast.
Speedrun through salary negotiations (with the advice of my network), drug tests (a moment in gratitude when I realized I was the wealthiest person in the building), background checks (a long wwwwaaaaiiiittt), and now I’m airport employee.
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Four weeks into the new job, I’m still in the honeymoon phase.
It’s a huge relief to escape the overload from the previous job. I didn’t realize the psychic toll until I had to start using my alarm clock again1. For the past year, I had been so amped up on work nights that I was waking up at 3am and 4am “naturally”.
It’s also a relief to work thoughtfully. When work was creeping up, the first response was to cut corners to save time. Even though I had my supervisor’s blessings, doing slapdash work is its own punishment. Then to add insult to injury, I started doing (uncompensated) overtime to stay afloat in emergency mode. Three weeks ago, I had a sudden jolt, “I can think again!”
I’m certain the meetings and intensity will creep up, but it’s a good sign that they aren’t throwing the new guy right into the fire. As a planner, my work with affect everyone negatively—who wants to work inside a remodel? So politics will rear its ugly head soon enough. But so far so good. My team is chill and everyone has been super welcoming.
Plus, the airport has offered me more food in a month (two lunches and popsicles) than six years at the Division! I guess that makes up for getting asked “Do you even speak English?” at a termain…then getting berated by the drunk passenger when I couldn’t stifle a nervous giggle at getting hit with this schoolyard taunt as my very first question from the public.
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I wonder if I’ve been posting less because I now have an audience on Substack. Or maybe Ockham’s Razor just says, “Dude you’ve been too busy at work!”—after all, it’s hard to post much when I haven’t been writing at all.
But Grizzlypear is the digital archive of my life since 2008. I need to excise that pressure to “provide value” to “my” readers. That’s not why I’m here. I appreciate y’all and I hope you enjoy my blatherings, but I hope you don’t mind that this place is more of a blog than a “newsletter”.
That said, here is a listicle of self help nuggets from this job change.
Always have the conversation. I learned this adage from my last boss in private practice and I almost blew an amazing opportunity by initially declining the conversation.
Sometimes it’s a favor to sell harder. I don’t want to own your happiness, but there are times when it’s appropriate to push back. I’m grateful that the mechanical engineer told me that I was making a big mistake. A couple of days ago, the PM who took over my old projects gave me a call. It felt good to be helpful, but I also felt “Thank god I’m not doing this no more!”
If you need to leave, don’t stay. I feel bad for the projects I left behind. I would have been the best PM for those jobs. But they’ll be fine, the agency always takes care of itself. But I wasn’t fine—and I didn’t even realize it until I left. Corollary: If you’re not certain if you should stay, you need to go.
Draw boundaries. Definitely easier said than done. But I didn’t do the Division or my projects any favors by taking on so much work that I gave up and left. I should have been disagreeable early to nip the overwork in the bud. If I wasn’t overloaded, I’m pretty sure I would have (been dumb enough) to stick to my guns and not-apply for the airport position.
Learn when to offload. A huge perk at my old job was the freedom to innovate. As often happens in corporate life, if you grab responsibility, you get stuck with it. I should have been insistent on offloading ancillary tasks to others after my improvements had morphed into maintenance mode.
Be nice. Even though I’m cocky enough to think I was the ideal candidate for this job, I only found out about the opportunity because I defended a mechanical engineer during a stressful project with a bad client ten years ago.
Never hurts to remind people that you exist. It’s a chore to pick out a photo and gussy it up for a holiday email each December. But it’s fun to hear back from old colleagues every year. And what’s the ROI for being top of mind when a new opportunity pops up?
Funny how getting paid changes your perspective. I never thought passenger jets were beautiful. But they are so sexy now that my paycheck is tied to them. I love watching the tail of a jet slice through the air like the fin of a shark. What troglodyte would resist the romance of flight!
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This weekend I finished a calligraphy notebook with this tiny poem. It shouldn’t have taken five months to fill up this notebook. But I’m going to do Vegas Ordinary for July before re-evaluating which daily practice to practice daily.
suburban saturday
breakfast organic corn with toast
rush! rush! off to basketball class!
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I know, I know! I shouldn’t need an alarm clock, especially since I’m a morning person! I need to start going to sleep earlier so I can wake naturally in time for my work schedule. ↩︎
Introvert Drawing Club posted a badge that caught fire, cause we’re sick of the cheap plagiaristic garbage being shoved in our faces online.
This morning, Beth Spencer posted a note that she was only 53 badges from 1k.
Let’s make that 52!
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The image was hand drawn with fountain pens in and edited in Pixlr. This morning I added the text as a markup on my iPhone, with the PNG export done in Pixlr after deleting the white background. You can see the badge in action on my photo on the about page.
If it looks familiar, it’s because I made the original image last year in a post about alternatives to AI art. There is so much great free art made by real people, why would anyone outsource our visual world to thieving machines?
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Bonus! I originally wrote the badge with “Made”. Since it’s not doing any good by itself on the computer, here it is if you’d prefer this wording.
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Check out the IG page for all the other #HiBadge2024.
