GRIZZLY PEAR
He was crying over nothing.
Inconsolable.
The boy has a bad temper.
I picked him up and sang the song.
小宝宝去睡觉
(little precious go to sleep).
The one they hate and never worked.
He’s getting long.
I don’t have many chances.
䷾䷞
water over fire
tears sting in the smoke
Midlife is a strange time. Major decisions have been made, and with kids the focus has been switched towards preparing for their wild problems.
But we’re not old! We’re caught in a predetermined present, experiencing physical decline, playing out the decisions of the past, while dimly peering towards decades of an uncertain future.
So how we manage? The book starts with contemplations upon regret (fully acknowledging that much “regret” in affluent countries are #firstworldproblems). Then Setiya ponders how to best consider about our mortality and closes with a chapter about life beyond goals.
When young, we pursue projects for specific results. Get that degree, grab that job! The paradox of such pursuits is that accomplishing the goal kills the goal. I often felt such emptiness after final reviews. A killer presentation is better than failure (I’ve done that too) but still left lingering hollow emptiness. All for what? On to the next semester.
Accomplishments are critical in the pursuit of prosperity (there is almost little income benefit between a high school graduate and a 3-year college dropout). Crossing the next check box can’t be all there is, especially now that the ultimate checkpoint is visible in the far horizon.
Setiya brings up the concept of “atelic activities“. Activities for their own reward. Walking for the joy of taking a stroll (not just getting to point B). Reframe one’s hassles with kids from specific tasks (cooking, cleaning, training) to the generic atelic act of parenting (easier said than done!).
Live in the present.
I’ve noticed this shift in my reading. I used to devour business books, searching for nuggets to improve productivity and leadership skills. But I’m now closer to retirement than hand drafting in Berkeley. The ROI has waned and this homo economicus has turned away from consuming productive fare.
My bed stand currently has two books of poetry, a book on philosophy, and a photo monograph. Hell, instead of reading last night, I listened fifteen minutes of Sunday at the Village Vanguard.
Midlife might not be pretty, but that’s pretty cool.
䷠䷋
I enjoyed the book, listening to it twice before writing these notes. Setiya dives into deep topics but writes accessibly for a popular audience. He knows he’s in the self help genre and respects that we aren’t his academic colleagues.
This book is worth reading well before breaking into your forties. It’s good to get some advance warning on the foibles of the upcoming decades. Just like my recommendation to read Travels with Epicurus to folks my age.
He typed random words in the Hoopla search bar
“NU …..”
Chose the album with a dog on the cover.
I Got a Dog
Pressed “Borrow”.
This week, we have trippy electronica.
䷇
thus the kings of antiquity
bestowed the different states as fiefs
The kids reenacted the The Nightmare Before Christmas.
The soundtrack played on the phone.
A white cape designated Jack (and played Santa’s beard).
The foam roller stood as the Christmas tree;
Books became boxes of presents.
They popped in and out of the closet, swapping roles.
She directed me to roll two stacked yoga balls as Oogie Boogie.
䷪䷞
mighty in the forward-striding toes
This show started with a content warning, maybe for a couple stereotypes that are bit distasteful in today’s sensitive era.
I could see it being annoying but it seems overblown in today’s plethora of awful options on YouTube. To be honest, the Shang Chi’s lousy execution was more offensive to my Asian Asian American identity than ten seconds of a buck tooth Siamese Cat playing drums with chopsticks.
Aside from the content warning at the start, this was one heck of a fun animation, Siamese and all!
Like 101 Dalmations, it tells a fun short story with a few memorable scenes, especially the one of the alley cats (including Shun Gon the Siamese) are really wailing on the music.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve lost interest in challenging art. I might be able to handle half an hour of an avante garde jazz album while falling asleep, but movies and TV shows are too visceral. I can handle a little cringe, like that Siamese cat, but I don’t have the emotional wherewithal to focus on heavy stuff for 90 minutes (much less 10 hours!).
I just want well crafted fare that doesn’t overstay its welcome.
Turns out Disney+ was a godsend for me.
䷰䷤
BTW I found Eva Gabor’s accent on the mother cat delightful, it made the movie feel properly European (if not exactly French). And Phil Harris’s all-American accent was perfect foil as Thomas O’Malley.
I see why this book is so widely read.
It starts as a memoir of life in the concentration camps and ends with the catharsis of logotherapy.
I have no idea whether logotherapy works, though it sure sounds truthy, especially coming from one who has survived so much trauma.
So that leaves us the memoir. And what is there to say? Holy hell, we have some evil people and evil systems in this world. I hope I’m not complicit in the worst of such systems right now.
The other thought came from the date of publication, one year after the end of the war. It’s amazing how quickly societies bounce back from the abyss. We’re really good at forgetting the past and moving on as if nothing has happened.
If someone else was crushed yesterday, what is it to me? Today or tomorrow? It’s a cold world.
Maybe logotherapy is the answer.
I’ve recently become a big Daniel Klein fan so I borrowed this book without much thought.
Turns out that it dovetails perfectly into my current kick of learning about the phases of life, especially aging and death.
The book is a meditation on growing old. It makes sense that a countercultural philosophy student from the 60’s would question our current obsession on everlasting youth.
The “Travels” in the title is a stretch — he stays on just one Greek island. But the “Epicurus” part is dead on. Klein is clearly biased towards the gentle hedonism of the philosopher and sees it reflected in world view of the inhabitants on this island.
He shys away from the gnarly parts right before you expire, but the book is otherwise a fulsome exploration of that season of life when one is no longer young but not yet decrepit.
䷌䷷
Seems that I’ve developed a syllabus of self-help books for the arc of one’s life.
I listened to this book a few months ago and listened to it again after Richard Rohr’s Falling Upwards.
While Rohr book is explicitly spiritual, Brooks stays within the contemporary self-help genre. He mixes psychology, social studies, ecumenical spirituality, with some actionable exercises.
Having listened to this book twice, here are some key takeaways:
A formula for a life of satisfaction is “What-you-have (Divided By) What-you-want”. Unchecked desires will always outpace what you’ve earned, so controlling wants is the key to satisfaction. Acquisition will never lead to happiness.
Thomas Aquinas has a challenge to search for one’s idols – Money, Status, Pleasure, and Power over others. Rank them in attractiveness and the top item is your idol. Tread carefully when toying with your personal idol.
As we get older, our quick witted “fluid intelligence” gives way to plodding “crystalized intelligence”. We used to quickly flip through the Rolodex. Now we’re slower, but the mental phone book is much bigger. Instead of fighting the inevitable, we should change our work to fit our older brains.
We should consider the Hindu concept of Ashramas, the Four Stages of Life (about 25 years each). Start as a child (student), then a householder (prime earning years), hermit (when the grandkids arrive, retreat into wisdom), and finally the wandering ascetic (give everything up for the divine). Most strivers get stuck between the second and third phase. Refusing to enter the hermit phase leads to bitterness as the world leaves you behind.
To grossly oversimplify the book, Brooks closes with this seven word summary
Use things, love people, worship the divine.
This book was worth two listens, but I must admit that audiobooks are a multi-tasking form of consumption. Even though it’s a favorite listen of the year, I haven’t felt compelled to sit down and focus upon the text.
So, a qualified endorsement for us middle aged folks figuring out “what’s next?”
~
I tweaked my upper back a month ago and a coworker brought up the idea of getting a foam roller. I missed out on this fad over the past decade. Its like having your own personal masseuse. Not perfect, but for $17.13 it’s awesome!
Here is a video focused on the upper back, and another that included stretches for the armpits.
As counterpoint, here is a video that questions the efficacy of foam rolling. My takeaway: use the foam roller as a stretching tool, but don’t overdo it. (The channel’s explanation of fentanyl addiction is excellent and depressing.)
~
~
Thanks for reading and please subscribe if you’d like the next letter in your inbox.
Justus Pang, RA
This book is hard (though not as difficult as The Five Invitations).
We’ve entered a new phase in humanity where most of us will suffer an extended period of dying. Medicine most likely won’t let us just keel over on the sidewalk.
We need to plan on navigating a harsh decline as time slowly eats away at our bodies.
The book explores this new phenomena, how we’ve dealt with it in the past century, and proposes better ways for managing our final days.
Ultimately it’s an upbeat book about a dreadful subject.
Though it’s gonna take some hard work to make it happen.
䷧
“A Better Life” (chapter 5) is one of the most inspiring things I’ve read as an architect. It’s a full throated endorsement that small improvements to an environment can improve lives. But as an owner, I am now keenly aware of the operational constraints push against such initiatives. Tellingly, it was a doctor who proposed (and realized) the changes that greatly improved patient outcomes. If we want to stay relevant as an industry, we can’t settle for being as service providers. Effective architecture is not just designing the structure, but challenging the entire system.
Should you do something that will change you forever?
Get married, have kids, become a vampire? Once it’s done, nothing will stay be the same. And you can’t go back.
How can you assess that decision before making the fateful step?
The book is great at laying out the dichotomy between wild problems and tame problems. A simple cost benefit analysis is fine for figuring out the best method to get your stuff to New York.
But should you move to NYC? That’s a wild problem.
Wild problems are challenging because they ask what you want to become. Wild problems probe your dreams.
Unfortunately, defining the question is much easier than finding the answers. Plumb your core values and hold fast to them. View your life within the context of your relationships and community. (In podcasts Roberts admits that he has transitioned from an economic libertarian towards a temperamentally conservative worldview.)
Fundamentally, you just won’t know what your future altered self will judge the results. It can go well — it can go horribly. At some point, you make a leap of faith. But stay flexible and adjust in mid flight.
Fortunately one doesn’t come across many wild problems. Hopefully most of them are in my past…but the kids have all theirs in the future.
䷅䷬
I shouldn’t get too cocky, the gods love to throw wild problems at fools who have settled into comfortable circumstances.