GRIZZLY PEAR

written snapshots

The story I tell myself

I’m listening to the podcast Tides of History by Patrick Wyman which is going through the development of the modern state. I haven’t finished the episode yet, but it’s set around the premise of the rise of the “ruthlessly competent civil servant”

Like the trope of a “velvet glove in the iron fist“, this concept has a macho appeal, especially given my current position.

But I wonder if that’s the right story to tell myself. My job is to collaborate with private entities to deliver projects for the state on time and on budget at the proper scope and quality.

However, being ruthless may ultimately be counterproductive to our mission. There is always the next project, we’ll always need partners.

So what’s a better story? Something more balanced?

Maybe these stories are fine, it’s just that such sentiments need to be moderated by the acknowledgement of time. It’s just that I need to remember that I’m playing a long game, as will those who follow me. This story doesn’t end. I can only be so ruthless.